imaginary friends

the prince who wished he was a pauper

Sometimes wouldn’t a simple life be sufficient, many complications in life spin off from unwarranted chain of thoughts that seem to erode our innate sense of rational understanding. Which in fact, what would such derivative thoughts fruit?

I have a wild imagination, one that runs with the wind, doesn’t settle for stagnancy. Yet in a whirlwind of thoughts, I can only think along the same line and as it spirals higher and higher I get sick of the constant revisiting of nightmares.

We all have our fears in life, I had a undisclosed fear of heights at some point in my life, I had was afraid of gas tanks with the underlying fear of explosions, I even had problems looking people in the eye. But what have I done to them, did I run? Sure I did, but it caught up with me every single time. I look back and my fears are like a shadow, inseparable and always there.

My only option was to face it, but doing it alone would be crazy, insane and out of my complete rationale. It took me prayer and courage, to step out of my box of comfort. And through the Lord Jesus Christ my God he turned on the lights in the darkest corners of my life, I jumped out of a plane a thousand feet in the air, I manage to fully enjoy having a steamboat with a gas tank in between my legs (that took some time getting used to btw) and now I can look at people face to face. What has changed in me? Nothing physically to be honest …

I constantly seek penance for the wrong doings I have done in my life, I seek forgiveness for my foolish actions and there are times I feel undeserving. Yet in contrast, there are times I believe I deserve more that what I have, and watching and hoping isn’t going to bring me anywhere. I will grow my talents and be accountable to my provider, I will multiply and make a worthy investment.

With that said, are you still in darkness? Or do you want to let God turn on your lights?

Posted 2 days ago

im so tired,

cant believe i suggested something against my body,

its like saying lets go play lan when i cant even open my eyes :)

yea i know its funny right~

but i do weird stuff all the time as well,

like ask for things that should never come to fruition.

and i only realize the repercussions or my flawed decision matrix only after i make the decision.

oh, well …

can i just sleep and forget it?

Posted 1 week ago

the blogging starts again

i’ve always detested typing out my thoughts, maybe because they were obviously very long. and though my audience usually thinks im crazy, why should i bother packaging myself presentable to others. everybody has their inner demons, and mine just loves to talk, or type in this case. i guess it cant deny that writing things down can be a form of relief for me, where i can speak my mind and go to bed. some say its a dominant need to share views, i say its a place i can look back and give thanks.

technically speaking, this blog is out of commission and the only probably people reading are those who follow me or those who actually look at my facebook (its linked yes) and to be honest given the response i have, i honestly dont care haha :)

why do i always sound like a cynic in my own blog, am i skeptical of my own values? of course not! its just very puzzling at times when people choose to ignore, we choose to take the easy route because everyone else does so~ what sets us apart from others?

Posted 2 weeks ago

what is with love and the world?

what do we perceive love as? is it something tangible as some would believe?

deep down I feel lost in this world, like my personal perception of love is never understood. or at least people think they do, but their actions justify themselves indifferently. is loving someone suppose to be easy or hard? sometimes it feels as if loving someone would require emotional commitment … what happened to unconditional love, love than transcends reciprocation? what happened to “love thy neighbour as thyself” in matthew22:39? clearly we live in selfish times, men and women who are blinded by self and are unable to empathize, unable to feel for others, unable to think beyond personal gain and loss. is the love we seek actually love itself? or is it just a facade for personal selfishness?

i often ask myself “how do you know you love someone?” and somehow in my schizophrenic mind I answer back with “how can i not love him or her?”. why do we restrict how much love we can give? and how much we can receive? aren’t we killing the very thing we preach in our lives? why must we latch emotional reciprocation or gains onto the things we do. yes it is a very real world and we must survive, but this is godless. godless i tell you.

相识－相知－相惜－相爱－结婚

for the chinese illiterate, it just lays out the basic process of romantic love.

knowing, understanding, appreciating, loving and creating a union out of it (marriage)

we often skip the process of knowing someone, understanding someone and treasuring someone before we actually say we love someone. how can we love without knowing, how can we love without understanding? how can we therefore love someone without treasuring that person? are our words an empty shell now? where does the basis and justification of love stem from now? emotional feelings and physical contentment can only bring you thus far.

因误解在一起，因了解而分开。

if we got together without understanding, we might break apart when we do.

it pains when i have to succumb to decisions in life which does not make sense. we all know we should teach our kids to be honest, upright and good kids, but in the process of it all, we harbor thoughts of regret, weary and doubt in such teachings. will my kid get bullied? will he be too gullible? can he survive in society? these questions surface on most parents heads, but who can be blamed, it IS a cruel world. but how can a child understand such values, when parents are not able to exemplify them?

can i carry on idling in life when people around me dont understand how great love is, how powerful it can be? can i stop procrastinating about darkness and be the first litted candle? its tough i tell you, its so tough that sometimes my fire seems like it can die out anytime. but god is like the wind, though it’s strong and nearly extinguishes me, the surge of new oxygen combust into a new flame.

once again my dear readers, whoever you may be … are we going to extend care only to those who thank us for it? are we going to show concern to those who can reciprocate? are we going to go the extra mile with no expectations? are we going to be an emotional support to those in need or must they be the person we “love” or “like”?

i know what the answers are, but can i do it?

not alone …

Posted 2 weeks ago

well come to think of it

sometimes i wonder if girls are worth the effort ;) and fuck no i’m not gay either. HAHA

Posted 2 months ago