imaginary friends

Homo totiens moritur quotiens amittit suos - A person dies as often as he loses his loved ones.

—Publius [Publilius Syrus]

tumblr o tumblr

It’s been awhile since i’ve been here, but somehow it just reeks of emo :)

Birthday :D

It was my 40th birthday and I wasn’t feeling too great when I woke up that morning. I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday” and probably have a present for me. She didn’t even say “Good Morning,” let alone “Happy Birthday.” I figured, “Well, that’s wives for you. The children will remember.” The children came down to breakfast and didn’t say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, “Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday.” I felt a little better - at least someone had remembered. I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it is such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.” I said, “By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go. We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don’t need to go back to the office, do we?” I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.” After arriving at her apartment, she smiled at me and said, “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.” Mad at my wife for forgetting about my birthday, not to mention that Janet was quite beautiful, I felt justified in staying. “Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a few minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. They were all singing Happy Birthday … and there I sat on the couch … naked.

(Source: fuckthatshiiit, via dubstepraves)

formulating a proper plan

Alot of people like to plan for things, and often than not we always jump into it by ourselves or with a perceived idea of how it should be done and then proceed with it. But what usually happens is we finish our “plan” and realize we fall short of details, or are not structured correctly or may even be tackling it in a totally inefficient approach.

Who or what has taught us to plan in the ways we plan? Most of the time organizations follow guidelines because if you let 2 different staff plan the same event, it probably will not be run the same way unless there was some sort of pre-arranged agreement or a guideline to follow.

With that said I’m just trying to voice my opinion of some woes many people including myself face. What is the exact structure of a business plan? An event plan? Or maybe a gathering, outing or camp? Sure we can type it out on word and print. But most of the time, that paper is a mere reference when things go awry and you realized that our “plan” doesn’t work.

Fail plan much?

poker face

its like you raised me and folded when i called. such a bluff.

ambiguity complex

I don’t know you, but I wanted to.
You don’t know me, I would’ve shown you.
I wonder if I am too raw in my emotions,
Yet i’m so restricted in my clueless notions.

My heart say yes while my mind says no,
What you feel for me I wouldn’t know.
If I could be what you want me to be.
I’d rather end it in honestly.

You say I’m not a toy,
yet you play me like its bitter joy.
I trusted you, but you abused me.
I loved you, but you hate me.

What can I do but laugh at my plight,
For I have once again walked through this rite.
Pain it seems has an affinity,
With my life, my love, like totally~

Embracing your true qualities and allowing them to shine through is important.

—Crimson & Vanilla

Whats my Quest all about?

“To each its own”, a common phrase used to rationalize the individuality in life, be it choices, decisions, thoughts or perception. We like to justify them with such words of neutrality, independence and freedom. But in an eternal perspective, it is the largest excuse in the shirking of responsibilities that are so often placed before us. Are we entitled a say in difference of opinions? Who are we to impose on others as some may ask? Yet I ask you, who are you to not say? Aren’t there any moral obligations to voice opinions which may affect others in a positive way? Sometimes I am puzzled by the way the world works, how we are afraid sometimes to voice out what we think or perceive. We fear rejection of opinions, we are uncomfortable with conflicts of interests, we are blinded by temporal satisfaction and most importantly we lack conviction.

How can we watch others carelessly inflict wounds on themselves, how can we watch others walk into pitfalls we clearly see? They may not see the immediate problems, dangers or negative aspects of what they do, and they may even question your intentions. Can you sit idly and say, “That is his own choice, that is her own decision”? Often we are put in positions of moral responsibility, where we warn, advise or voice out what we as bystander observe. Where some of us are equipped with heightened perception in various aspects of life, and we foresee what others can’t, are we adding values to others? Or are we selfishly keeping them to ourselves?

Sometimes I ask myself what is my purpose in life, and most of the time I don’t have an answer to it. I thought purpose was self derived, I thought purpose was self chosen, I thought purpose was a choice. Like how a pencil was created to be written with, a chair was created to be sat on, what are we created for? Who created us? What is my sole existence for? Until we answer these basic questions, what more is there to this life which will definitely end in death?

the prince who wished he was a pauper

Sometimes wouldn’t a simple life be sufficient, many complications in life spin off from unwarranted chain of thoughts that seem to erode our innate sense of rational understanding. Which in fact, what would such derivative thoughts fruit?

I have a wild imagination, one that runs with the wind, doesn’t settle for stagnancy. Yet in a whirlwind of thoughts, I can only think along the same line and as it spirals higher and higher I get sick of the constant revisiting of nightmares.

We all have our fears in life, I had a undisclosed fear of heights at some point in my life, I had was afraid of gas tanks with the underlying fear of explosions, I even had problems looking people in the eye. But what have I done to them, did I run? Sure I did, but it caught up with me every single time. I look back and my fears are like a shadow, inseparable and always there.

My only option was to face it, but doing it alone would be crazy, insane and out of my complete rationale. It took me prayer and courage, to step out of my box of comfort. And through the Lord Jesus Christ my God he turned on the lights in the darkest corners of my life, I jumped out of a plane a thousand feet in the air, I manage to fully enjoy having a steamboat with a gas tank in between my legs (that took some time getting used to btw) and now I can look at people face to face. What has changed in me? Nothing physically to be honest …

I constantly seek penance for the wrong doings I have done in my life, I seek forgiveness for my foolish actions and there are times I feel undeserving. Yet in contrast, there are times I believe I deserve more that what I have, and watching and hoping isn’t going to bring me anywhere. I will grow my talents and be accountable to my provider, I will multiply and make a worthy investment.

With that said, are you still in darkness? Or do you want to let God turn on your lights?